Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
