I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
