How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
