Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
