chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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