There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
