Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
