I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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