Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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