Life is so much better after having sex.
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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