On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
