I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I cannot find my penis.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
