Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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