We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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