guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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