also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
