Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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