Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
They have beer where we have blood.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm too high and old for this...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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