I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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