Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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