Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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