please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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