Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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