I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
