True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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