I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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