One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
