story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
