I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
