White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
