lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
