went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
last night I used snow as a chaser
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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