consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
