Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
