...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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