i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
