I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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