While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
