it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
