There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
