the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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