new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
