Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Randomize
