do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
