youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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