So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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