I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
