I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
