This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
