The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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