Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
