I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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