He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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