i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
