so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
