At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
