Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
