i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
